Beyond Age: Multigenerational Living

My primary focus has always been on women developing community to support each other as we age. Much of this comes from my own perspective as a baby boomer living in shared housing with other women near my own age range.

It seems that multi-generational living is currently on the rise. Many factors are contributing to this trend. Adult children are moving back in with their parents in record numbers. Economic realities make shared living situations more affordable for all family members. A generation of aging boomers who saw their parents hidden away in nursing homes is looking for alternatives.

Can families, whether chosen or by blood, foster community that disregards age and creates a situation for graceful aging?

In August of 2012, the AARP blog shared a two part post about the rise of multi-generational living. They shared some important tips on multi-generational families that I think are crucial to consider before establishing a household.

Click below to read more.

[Read more…]

“Who Will Take Care of You?” Learning to Rely on Each Other

Women For Living in Community is about being self-sufficient and self-reliant as we age but the key word there is “Community.” I believe women can be stronger together and we can help each other in ways we may not expect.

In 2012, 37 million American women between the ages of 30 and 84 are childfree by choice or by chance. For generations in cultures around the world it was expected that children would take care of their aging parents. The reality in our country is that many seniors are hidden away in nursing homes and assisted living facilities, even those with children.

There are alternatives.

When we ask the question “Who will take care of you?” what answer are we looking for? Is it possible that we are asking the wrong question altogether?

Click below to read more about community living as we age.

[Read more…]

Are You a Good Fit for a Cohousing Community?

Cohousing neighborhoods are intentionally designed to make connecting with your neighbors easy.

In my last blog, I wrote about five personal traits that, if you have most or all of them, you’re probably a good fit for a Golden Girls-like home. However, living in a house where you share a kitchen, living room and dining space is for some too close for comfort.

If you’re wanting more community in your living arrangement as you look at the years ahead, but need more personal space than living in a shared house, an intentional neighborhood may be the right choice for you.

In this blog, I’ll discuss cohousing neighborhoods. In Cohousing communities residents own their own home and share common spaces and resources. Interestingly, these intentional communities are created by the future resident group who meet each other and work together to decide about the physical design and social agreements of the neighborhood. In many cases, future residents become friends by the time they move-in into the neighborhood.

These collaborative communities are typically between 25 to 35 households, and are home to more than 6,000 people in North America. They are popular because they provide a healthy balance between privacy and community. I know many people who live in cohousing who come from a range of backgrounds, ages and economic situations. They consistently love the lifestyle which they describe as safe, nurturing and FUN.

Spontaneous social gatherings are frequent in cohousing. Kathryn McCamant, one of the co-founders of the Cohousing movement and co-author of the book Cohousing: A Contemporary Approach to Housing Ourselves, says:
“I know I live in a community, because on Friday afternoons, it sometimes takes me 45 minutes, two drinks, and three conversations to get from the street to my front door.’

According to the Cohousing Association of the U.S., cohousing communities have six defining characteristics:
1. Participatory process;
2. Neighborhood design;
3. Common facilities;
4. Resident management;
5. Shared leadership and decision-making;
6. No shared community economy.

This lifestyle has many benefits for Boomers. Residents enjoy an intellectually stimulating and emotionally supportive environment ideal for aging at home in a non-institutional setting. Cohousing residents have privacy when they’re in their private home, and community when they venture outside to the shared common spaces, including common dinners several times a week in the community’s well-used club house or “Common House.”
One of the newer trends in cohousing are elder/senior cohousing neighborhoods designed with Universal Design features to accommodate residents to age comfortably in their homes.

Please contact me if you want to know more about this multi-generational or senior cohousing trend or cohousing in general. In my next blog, I’ll share the characteristics that are most important for living in these socially and environmentally sustainable neighborhoods.

Community . . . what does it mean to you?

COMMUNITY

Such good is gleaned by like minds and interests coming together.
We are at our best when we serve a common cause.
We are inspired and moved by individuals whose interests are similar to ours.
A group manifests a group mind.
Just as “many hands make light work”, many minds make for a more creative vision
Now that we are elders, we relish community more than at any other time of life.
Whatever your interests, services, or spiritual needs, stay connected.
Gather together.

~  From a deck of fabulous and inspirational cards called Crone cards.    

My favorite crone . . . Betty White.

My Journey

“One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night.” Margaret Mead

I come home from a long trip to the West Coast exhausted from the time change and the joys of current air travel. As I turn into my driveway, I see my lights are on in my house and the shades are drawn. What a welcome sight for a woman living alone. I’m expected; someone is welcoming me home.

It is my neighbor, Ginny, who has been taking care of the house and my two cats while I visited distant states in my campaign to tout the glories of living in community. In the last 4 years I have encouraged, cajoled, and nudged my fellow Boomers to investigate new ways of spending our lives as we move forward into its second half. [Read more…]

NBC Nightly News- After Thoughts

It’s been a wild and wonderful ride since last Saturday’s show on NBC Nightly News Weekend edition. It started out with a call on my cell phone a man, Tranh Tran,  with a very sexy voice, saying he was with NBC and would like to talk to me about the possibility of featuring something about the growing trend of Boomer women sharing houses.  He had found my name in various places in his Google search. [Read more…]

Perks! A Day in the life of a shared houser

No coffee today!

 What a way to start the day! Got a bad cold and laryngitis too! Poor me. But wait ! There is a knock at my door. S. shows up to apologize for slamming the door as she takes out the recycling for pick up. Slam away, at least I don’t have to take it out in the blustery, gray and rainy morning.

 Next I get a hug from S. Joining both G. and S. for coffee is offered in the common kitchen which they share, and I say “Sure!” I didn’t have to make my coffee today. Then on top of that wonderment, I got some scrambled eggs at a table with cloth napkins and some company. Couldn’t even sit and feel sorry for myself this morning.

To add to the festivities of the pre-8am goings-on (is that a Southern term?) a raccoon or some other creature had gotten into the garbage and it was strewn all over the driveway. The thought of going and picking all that up this morning overwhelmed me. Before I had a chance to grab the rubber gloves, (which I did slowly) L. was out there doing the chore of picking up after our 4-legged neighbor. Bless your heart. (Yes, that is Southern expression, I am sure).

Off went G. to give a ride to a friend with instructions to S. NOT to do the dishes. Yes, they do them by hand. I saw my opportunity to give back for the treat I had been given this morning. I did the dishes in their kitchen, as I have my own kitchen in our shared house, and felt GREAT about doing dishes. Maybe I do have a fever. The things that continue to surprise me about living in a shared house with the right folks.

Next is was helping S. off to her 17-day trip to St. Croi (sp?) for her daughter’s wedding. Don’t know that I was much help, but it felt good to try! Off she went in her little bug. It felt good to wave goodbye to her. I know that I love to have someone wave goodbye to me when I am off, especially for a long trip. Makes me feel like I have a family who will know I am gone.

Well, we have that here. A chosen family who looks out for each other, and so many little things that add up to a big feeling of comfort and love.

Who knew? I didn’t but I did dream about it. It’s reality now.

BFF- Who is she?

My BFF or Best Female Friend is Sarah. We have known each other for 33 years and counting. We have been through our weddings, divorces, buying houses, care giving for our parents, the death of parents, family challenges, work in Silicon Valley for years and all that took, and the escape from that Valley of horrors without too many ticks or enduring health challenges.

We moved apart, physically but never did we move apart in other ways. I can sometimes feel her when we are together on the phone. I know that I can call her no matter what is going on with me and she will be there.

I hope you all have a friend like this.  I always know she will understand me.

She has shared my dream for the type of living where those of us without children (not that would secure a future) we can have fun, live surrounded by folks we love and care for and and love and care for us. That mutual support that is so important to all of us.

Sarah always got what I was talking about around this idea. We brainstormed, talked about ideas, and even looked at property.  She came to visit me in North Carolina and I visited her in Santa Barbara. We looked at the many possibilities that might work. The creative process continues and the reality of that living alternative  as we age together becomes visible.

Will we live together like the Golden Girls?  I hope so.  What a blast it would be.  Having that kind of knowledge of each other, the history without the family system in place would be divine.  You have a BFF you would love to have share the ride with us?  Keep dreaming with Sarah and I.

 

Welcome!

Welcome !

I am Marianne Kilkenny and I have been interested in aging in community for many years. In particular, living like the Golden Girls is the best way to describe what I have in mind. A place that provided camaraderie, zest for life and laughter that was always present in their home together.

Living in community, THE solution to the challenges and isolation of aging today.

My interest is to bring Boomer women together to bond and form connections together. You might see a theme, it’s about not waiting, but to take action now.   As women, we are the ones who bring others together so it’s time now to build alliances that will give us new models to thrive in as our lives move forward into our 2nd Half of life. Whether you live with other women, your family of friends, your extended family, it’s about making it happen.

Many of us have talked about getting together and buying a big house, or sharing a space, building or retrofitting a neighborhood, or doing more than just talking about getting to know our neighbors.

The time is now. Please join us. I would love to hear what you are dreaming about, doing to build this vision into reality. We can learn from each other to form a future that encourages interdependence and trust. [Read more…]

Women For Living in Community