Return to Elderspirit 2015

Elderspirit is one of the earliest Senior Cohousing communities in the country. It is internationally known and respected. My own journey would not be the same if it weren’t for the model that Elderspirit has provided for me and for this movement.

I recently had the wonderful experience of visiting Elderspirit with two friends from my community. My last visit was in 2007 so I was really looking forward to observing the changes and of course, looking forward to visiting with its Founder, Dene Petersen. I wrote about looking forward to my visit and looking back in a recent post here, if you want to see more.

When we arrived at the Elderspirit site we were able to witness the growth of landscape, the community, and its population — all changes from the last visit in 2007. It is both comforting and inspiring to see the seeds of this garden grown into colorful blooms, both literally and metaphorically.

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Sharing Your Stories – A Call for Participation

NYT_Article_ImageHere is a call to action: We, at Women for Living in Community, want to hear from you!  It is your time to share your stories with us. We know you’re out there and we know you’re reading so it is time to step out from behind the curtain and face the audience!

So, now that I am done with the lecture I need to explain myself a little better. I’m not being the bad guy. I’m not trying to put people on the spot. However, what I am trying to do is shed a light on the subject of community living. I want people to see the benefits, understand the issues, and learn more about why this is a viable option for so many people looking for alternatives to the current way we stack old people up in homes and forget about them.

We are the pioneers! The trailblazers! We are the future of community!

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Love in Community Living: Cohousing with a Spouse

Shades Warrior Suite 7542

Image by U.S. Army via Flickr

There is a reason this community is called Women FOR Living in Community rather than just Women Living in Community. When I began this journey I knew it wasn’t for women only but that women were the glue that could hold these community relationships together.

A young friend recently shared with me that her aging parents are moving out of their colonial style home. With joint and vision problems they are no longer able to navigate the staircase with confidence. Their home, the one where they raised 3 children, has multiple bedrooms and bathrooms and could be a perfect home for community living. Imagine, instead of selling the home, if they repurposed it and invited others to share the space with them. How could this change the game for many seniors who would prefer to age in their own homes?

I encourage you to continue reading my thoughts about community living below.

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Community Spotlight: My House Our House

Photo from My House Our House

Photo from My House Our House

Community living can take on many forms. Today I wanted to share with you the story of Shadowlawn, the home of Jean McQuillin, Karen Bush, and Louise Machinist; three women who created a cooperative household to reduce expenses and live well for much less money than it takes to run a traditional home. They are housemates, friends, and co-authors and three individuals who chose to live together.

In the summer of 2013, their book came out to share their story with others.

In 2004, we were each happily living independently in Pittsburgh. While planning for a distant retirement, we realized how fantastic it could be to live together. We found ourselves asking, “Why not now?”

I encourage you to continue reading about My House Our House below.

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Men Living in Community: A Conversation with Dr. Joe Cole

This week I had an opportunity to speak with Dr. Joe Cole. To get to know him a little more, here is the bio he shared with me.

Joe Cole is a philosopher, writer, and facilitator who loves growing sweet potatoes.  He lives in Carrboro, NC and was one of the original residents of Pacifica Cohousing Community, where he was a Lead Facilitator for several years, crafting policies to improve decision-making and develop a stronger culture of consensus.  Joe works as a facilitator, consultant, and trainer with non-profit organizations, consensus-based groups, and intentional communities.  He is a Visiting Assistant Professor of Philosophy at Guilford College, where he teaches courses on Just War Theory and Environmental Ethics.

We focus a lot about women living in community, but I wanted to get the perspective of a man who has not only experienced community living but who also advocates for it. Here is what Joe had to say.

Tell me about your community living situation?

I lived in a cohousing community for 6 years, and was involved in the planning of the community three years before that.  I am currently living in a more conventional neighborhood.

What led you to want to live in community?

I was attracted to the values of community and sustainability.  I wanted to experience living together cooperatively and having shared resources.  And there were sustainable elements of the homes and the community that were appealing.  Overall I feel that building community and cooperative institutions is an important way to create alternatives to the greed and individualism that dominates our culture.

What do you like most about it?

I enjoyed the sharing of resources and working together with neighbors to manage our land and community.  It was a great learning experience for me to work together cooperatively.  I had the ideals of community and cooperation, but I didn’t really have the skills and awareness of what it takes to live in community before moving in.  The experience and challenges of living there inspired me to take a two year facilitation training course, and I continue to learn and practice facilitation and cooperative skills in all aspects of my life–family, work, and community.

Would you recommend it to other men?

Absolutely.  I believe that living in community is a great challenge and a great joy.  It is an opportunity for growth and transformation.  And it offers a sense of meaning and accomplishment to contribute to communities and institutions that are reaching for something deeper than mainstream consumer culture offers.

We would love to hear from other men who have had experience living in community or who want to know more. Please let us know here or in a conversation at our Facebook page!

Are you a Good Fit for Cohousing? Part Two

Future cohousing residents in California dine together after one of their monthly business meetings.

In last week’s blog, I discussed the six defining characteristics of cohousing neighborhoods which combine personal privacy with community. But how do you know if you’re a good fit for living in these intentional neighborhoods?  If you want a sneak preview, click here for a one-minute video presentation I gave in Florida about key characteristics for successfully living in cohousing.

You Like Meetings
If you get involved with a forming cohousing group, be prepared for lots of meetings anywhere from monthly to weekly. Meetings are an essential component of cohousing because creating one of these communities is an egalitarian, participatory process where future residents make decisions together as a group. The beauty of this collaborative decision making process is that you have an active say in the development of your neighborhood including both, the physical design of the community, and the social agreements for living together after move-in. Ask yourself if you’ll enjoy and/or are willing to participate in meetings for typically two to three years from conception to move-in and then bi-monthly after you move in.

You’re Willing to Share Leadership
Making decisions as a group requires strong communication and group process skills. Typically, several members of the forming group get trained early on to effectively facilitate and lead meetings. If you’re interested in learning these skills you will be a valuable member of the cohousing group and these skills are applicable in other aspects of your life (e.g. your work or spiritual community). Many cohousing neighborhoods use egalitarian consensus decision-making to ensure that all opinions are heard in a discussion. Rather than having a single dominant leader, cohousing group process is more based on the Quaker belief that ‘”everyone has a piece of the truth.”

You’re Comfortable Expressing Your Feelings
Since so many issues are discussed during the development stage of cohousing and after move-in, residents find that sharing personal feelings leads to self-discovery. A favorite quote sourced to Zev Paiss, founding Executive Director of the Cohousing Association of the U.S. captures this well:

“Cohousing is the longest and most expensive personal growth workshop you will ever take.”

If you enjoy meetings, are willing to share leadership, and express your personal feelings, cohousing offers an innovative and nurturing alternative to living alone or the isolation of standard U.S. neighborhoods. Please contact me for more info about this community-focused option.

Are You a Good Fit for a Cohousing Community?

Cohousing neighborhoods are intentionally designed to make connecting with your neighbors easy.

In my last blog, I wrote about five personal traits that, if you have most or all of them, you’re probably a good fit for a Golden Girls-like home. However, living in a house where you share a kitchen, living room and dining space is for some too close for comfort.

If you’re wanting more community in your living arrangement as you look at the years ahead, but need more personal space than living in a shared house, an intentional neighborhood may be the right choice for you.

In this blog, I’ll discuss cohousing neighborhoods. In Cohousing communities residents own their own home and share common spaces and resources. Interestingly, these intentional communities are created by the future resident group who meet each other and work together to decide about the physical design and social agreements of the neighborhood. In many cases, future residents become friends by the time they move-in into the neighborhood.

These collaborative communities are typically between 25 to 35 households, and are home to more than 6,000 people in North America. They are popular because they provide a healthy balance between privacy and community. I know many people who live in cohousing who come from a range of backgrounds, ages and economic situations. They consistently love the lifestyle which they describe as safe, nurturing and FUN.

Spontaneous social gatherings are frequent in cohousing. Kathryn McCamant, one of the co-founders of the Cohousing movement and co-author of the book Cohousing: A Contemporary Approach to Housing Ourselves, says:
“I know I live in a community, because on Friday afternoons, it sometimes takes me 45 minutes, two drinks, and three conversations to get from the street to my front door.’

According to the Cohousing Association of the U.S., cohousing communities have six defining characteristics:
1. Participatory process;
2. Neighborhood design;
3. Common facilities;
4. Resident management;
5. Shared leadership and decision-making;
6. No shared community economy.

This lifestyle has many benefits for Boomers. Residents enjoy an intellectually stimulating and emotionally supportive environment ideal for aging at home in a non-institutional setting. Cohousing residents have privacy when they’re in their private home, and community when they venture outside to the shared common spaces, including common dinners several times a week in the community’s well-used club house or “Common House.”
One of the newer trends in cohousing are elder/senior cohousing neighborhoods designed with Universal Design features to accommodate residents to age comfortably in their homes.

Please contact me if you want to know more about this multi-generational or senior cohousing trend or cohousing in general. In my next blog, I’ll share the characteristics that are most important for living in these socially and environmentally sustainable neighborhoods.

Women For Living in Community