In the last few months I have been involved in a process called “Tribe” forming. I hosted and co-facilitated the training workshop last October in Asheville. We are bringing that workshop to Asheville again this May and thought I would share with you some of what I’ve learned from the process that may be helpful to you:
Community starts with People
Over the years of I have shifted my focus and my priority to People as the most important factor in Community. How many of us have lived for years in a neighborhood and still not known our neighbors? How many times have we relocated to a fabulous town with great amenities and yet feel alone? How many of us have a great network of friends but yet worry who will take care of us during times of emergency, general need or holiday aloneness?
With these questions in the back of my mind, I read the book “We Need Each Other: Building Gift Community“ by Bill Kauth with Zoe Alowan. This book outlines the core principles behind the Community movement. I read this book in the past. In May 2016 I attended the “New Tribe” Training in Oregon and realized Tribe and what I learned at the training was the missing piece. I want to share with you what resonated with me as you have been a part of this Journey:
My Lessons from “New Tribe” Training
Tribe Training, October 2016
Lesson 1: New Tribe is…. It is a closely knit, non-residential, loving community. Your tribe, are the ones… (taken from the book at our training)
…you spend the most time with.
…you trust the most.
…who will become your best friends.
…who will cover your back.
…you will cover their back.
…you think of first (in joy or emergency).
…with whom you co-create your life.
…with whom you have made commitments.
…who you will know for the rest of your life.
…with whom you are woven together in natural reciprocity.
…with whom you go beyond money as the currency of exchange.
I am sure as you read this you immediately thought of people that fit these descriptions and thought.. hey, I already have this. This New Tribe is a way of re-thinking our traditional ideas of tribe for our modern world. It does not require relocating or sharing a home. Consider the New Tribe a “layer” which can be put over aging in place or aging in community.
Lesson 2: “I don’t just want this I need this.” (from a participant in the May training).The idea of having people that truly care about my well-being truly resonated with me. “I’ve got your back, you got my back….
Lesson 3: Shared Values and Decisions
Other important things for me were agreed upon values and commitments within the tribe. Some are:
- committing to a place/town/location where you’re going to stay long term
- commitments/agreements to each other
- personal integrity
- respect a durable safety net
- celebration of relationships
- each of us offers what we can contribute
Tribe Training, October 2016
Lesson 4: Belonging
Since belonging is an important part of any group, this particular group meets face to face every week. Members live near each other and makes a long-term commitment. There is a membership process with an agreed upon group size. There is functional leadership and a decision-making process.
Lesson 5: Important definition differences between tribe and community
Big for me is the overuse of the term “community”. Maybe “Tribe” is getting overused too. Offered in their book and the training Zoe and Bill gave a difference that resonated with me. In a book Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam describes the difference. Community as a bridging, meaning all of those acquaintances that you have. Tribe is bonding, it is those we count on and have as best friends. The tribe is those that you want to have close and ongoing relationships with for the rest of our lives.
There are more lessons… they continue. We choose who comes into our tribe.
If you’re interested in learning more, there are opportunities for New Tribe Training workshops in 2017 in Portland and Ashland Oregon, Asheville NC and Canada
April 13-16, Portland, OR
May 18-21 Asheville, NC – Asheville details here
Sept. 20-24 Toronto, Canada
December 7-10 Ashland, OR
