Privacy: How to Have Your Own Space in Community Living

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Many boomer women have a strong sense of independence. We want our space, we want to do things on our own, and we don’t want to be tied down. I imagine this might be one barrier keeping more women from choosing to build or live in community. However, I don’t believe that community living and privacy or independence need to be mutually exclusive. In fact, it is quite the opposite.

Of course, privacy can take different forms depending on the living situation. Some homes feature in-law suites that would be perfect for shared housing where each party has their own complete “apartment.” Other situations might call for a division of space; someone can use the den and another person can use the living room. You may need to establish rules for using the kitchen or having guests visit. Here are some additional tips for privacy in your shared home.

Click below to see three tips for privacy in shared housing.

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Toxic Roommates: Asking Someone to Leave the Community

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It is important to understand that when you are building community there can always be unforeseen circumstances that come up regardless of the rules that you might have in place. So, when making arrangements for new housemates to enter the home it is important to know what to do if it doesn’t work out. How do you handle toxic personalities and what is the safest way to ask them to leave? Here is some practical advice for handing this kind of unpleasant situation in your shared home.

1. Understand your rights a tenant or homeowner. Much of your leverage when it comes to asking a housemate to leave is based on the original wording of their lease agreement. Laws surrounding tenant eviction vary from state to state so be sure to check with your landlord or, if you own the home, check with your local government. Since community living can be based on home ownership or a rental situation it is important to know where you stand before a situation occurs.

I encourage you to click below for two more important tips on handling negative situations.

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Community Care Givers: Caring for Each Other as We Age

Cancer. Alzheimer’s disease. Heart disease. These are just a few of the things that we may face as we age. We don’t like to think about our own mortality and the things that can affect us, but it is important to have a plan in place if something does happen, not only for ourselves but also for those we care about.

I believe that living in community is a better solution than nursing homes or other forms of elder care.

Our culture tends to perceive caregivers as individuals who care for sick or dying family members. Mothers can care for children with terminal illnesses. Daughters can care for their parents stricken by dementia. Some elder women don’t have anyone to care for them at all. What if we came together to care for each other? We can change the perception of caregivers.

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Click below to read more ideas about caretakers living in community.

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Pop-Culture Women in Community

Women living in community is not a new concept. It is also one that Hollywood and other pop culture outlets have used as a plot point and theme for some time. I thought I might share some examples from TV, film, and in books of women living in community that can make us smile when we think about women living in community.

  • The Golden Girls. This is the gold standard, no pun intended, when it comes to fictional women sharing a home and building community. This 80s sitcom was a turning point in the way our culture viewed aging women. Each character fit a stereotype. Blanche the very dichotomy of a southern belle combined with a sexually free mature woman. Rose was the simple Midwestern girl who was surprisingly wise. Dorothy had the New York street smarts and quick wit. Sophia held the role of the Italian matriarch who taught her daughter a few things.

Click below to read more examples of fictional women living in community.

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Single Seniors: Not Interested in Being Alone

My primary focus on this site is certainly to encourage women to build their own communities as they age; but there is another topic I think is rather important that we consider. What about dating as we age?

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I’m not talking about living together or getting married, but rather forging loving bonds with other seniors to provide some companionship.

If you’re single but not interested in being alone there are some things to thing about before entering the dating scene.

Singlehood can come upon us in many ways. It may be through divorce or the loss of a beloved husband or partner. Sometimes it can feel like a burden and other times it can feel like a great freedom. This article, from 4Elders.org, provides some great insight to developing relationships as we age and I would love to expand on some of them.

If you’re not interested in being single as you face your later years and move into a new phase of your life, consider these options. In truth, much of this is the same dating advice we should think about throughout our lives but sometimes we need a little reminder.

Click below to read more.

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Settling Conflict in Community Living

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It is important to understand that even with all the benefits of community living, it isn’t always a bed of roses. Conflict between adults happens, even in marriages and between friends. When it comes to living in community it is important to have a peace plan in place to settle conflict respectfully. It can be difficult to separate yourself from the situation because you and your housemates are more than just acquaintances or roommates.  Here are some ideas for dealing with conflict between women living in community.

  • Establish house rules. There are many resources available for designing roommate agreements on line. Use these and talk with your housemates to create a set of rules that will not restrict anyone’s personal freedom but will keep the home safe and orderly. For example, there may be rules about visitors, laundry, cooking, and quiet time. Many of these are common sense but having rules in writing from the beginning is important for dealing with future issues.

Click below to read more.

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Rent or Buy: The Smart Science of Pooling Resources

“Been thinking, if we pooled our financial resources, we could move here, live here year-round.” Hannah held her breath and waited for their reactions.

I’ve been thinking the much the same.” Amelia leaned forward in chair. Aghast, Grace looked at each of her friends in turn. “What is next? I can’t handle any more changes.”

Hannah turned to her. “Let me ask you, Grace, what does Olive Pruitt do for us that we can’t do for ourselves, and for each other? We can even dial 911, imagine that.”

“By pooling our finances, we could live nicely here.”

“Here we could share food, electric, gas repairs, lawn, maintenance, things like that.”

Springing from her chair, Grace flung her arms into the air. “I barely adjust to one thing and you two want to go even farther. There is too much for me. Too many changes!”

“You are tougher, more adaptable than you think,” Hannah retorted. “Things are different now; you won your own life. Time you initiated change.”

“What do you really want, Grace? What is right for you? The three of us sharing a home, helping one another seems very right to me.”

Grace admitted that she subconsciously had been thinking about this idea too.

Amelia hugged Grace, and uncharacteristically Hannah reached out her arms to hug both Amelia and Grace. They no longer felt like three women of a certain age concerned with aching hip, tenuous heart, or a fear of being alone. They were pioneers, driven by hopes and dreams; they were visionaries with sweeping goals.”

Excerpt from “Ladies of Covington Send Their Love” by Joan Medlicott

We all know that sharing a living space can save us money, so why don’t more people do it? American culture often encourages college age students to share housing to pool resources and save money, so it makes sense that the concept can be applied throughout our lives. Boomer women have a chance to blaze a new trail and create communities of women living together. So let’s look at what women can accomplish by pooling their resources.

Click below to read more.

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Beyond Age: Multigenerational Living

My primary focus has always been on women developing community to support each other as we age. Much of this comes from my own perspective as a baby boomer living in shared housing with other women near my own age range.

It seems that multi-generational living is currently on the rise. Many factors are contributing to this trend. Adult children are moving back in with their parents in record numbers. Economic realities make shared living situations more affordable for all family members. A generation of aging boomers who saw their parents hidden away in nursing homes is looking for alternatives.

Can families, whether chosen or by blood, foster community that disregards age and creates a situation for graceful aging?

In August of 2012, the AARP blog shared a two part post about the rise of multi-generational living. They shared some important tips on multi-generational families that I think are crucial to consider before establishing a household.

Click below to read more.

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“Who Will Take Care of You?” Learning to Rely on Each Other

Women For Living in Community is about being self-sufficient and self-reliant as we age but the key word there is “Community.” I believe women can be stronger together and we can help each other in ways we may not expect.

In 2012, 37 million American women between the ages of 30 and 84 are childfree by choice or by chance. For generations in cultures around the world it was expected that children would take care of their aging parents. The reality in our country is that many seniors are hidden away in nursing homes and assisted living facilities, even those with children.

There are alternatives.

When we ask the question “Who will take care of you?” what answer are we looking for? Is it possible that we are asking the wrong question altogether?

Click below to read more about community living as we age.

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Welcome to Women For Living in Community

Welcome to my website.

If you’re new here or it has been a while since you’ve visited you’re probably wondering who I am and why I have a website for women living in community. Let me share my story with you.

After 30 years of working in Silicon Valley I decided I needed to make a drastic change. I had watched my own parents age and eventually move into nursing homes and as I cared for them I knew this was not the way I wanted to live the last third of my life. Divorced without children, I knew that if changes were going to happen I needed to be the one in control.

I moved from Northern California to Asheville, North Carolina, with the intention of promoting community living for women like myself. Asheville, if you don’t know it, is a gorgeous town nestled in the Appalachian Mountains. The city’s energy is a blend of many kinds of people coming together. Community-building is a big part of the area’s identity so I knew it was the perfect place to settle and live my own vision to champion alternative housing choices for Boomers, especially women, who want to experience camaraderie, connection and confidence in their later years.

The progressive nature of Asheville coupled with it being a retirement destination in a naturally beautiful setting  made it possible for this Californian to settle to reinvent herself in NC.  There are many retirees here.

I live in community.

Click below for more of my story.

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Women For Living in Community