One of the reasons that I’ve been drawn to community building for many years is so that I would have a support system in place when times get tough, particularly as I age. 

As I adapt to the new normal that’s come with the coronavirus crisis, I’m grateful for the community that I have, including some that’s popped up in unexpected places. But I’ve also discovered that some of my connections were less resilient or supportive than I thought. 

I suspect that I’m not the only one that’s going through this process. Adversity can bring out the best in us, but it also shows us where the gaps are and where our expectations were unrealistic.

So I’m taking an inventory of what I’ve got, what I don’t, and what I can do to change the things I can. And I’m inviting you to do the same.

Join me by examining what’s working for you, too! 

In addition to sharing my own reflections, I’ve included a few prompting questions for you to consider about your own experiences lately.

I encourage you to have a pen and paper nearby so that you can jot down any observations and possibilities that you feel inspired to explore.

What’s going right for me with the connections I have in my life?

What kinds of connections are serving my needs and allowing me to feel seen? What have I been grateful to discover I already have in place? Where do I feel nourished and connected?

One thing I am very grateful for at the moment is that I’ve got so many incredible people in my life. 

I’ve had to work hard to find and nourish these friendships, but it’s been worth it when people have called me out of the blue to check on me, dropped off a nourishing meal, or stopped by for a walk (while maintaining safe social distancing measures, of course). 

Although I’m living alone right now, I’m grateful for my home, which is placed in a beautiful setting in north Asheville. I’ve got a garden blooming with plants that others have helped me choose and care for. I have neighbors that are saying “Hi!” and reaching out to one another more often than ever, kind of like people have done after a big snowstorm. I’ve been surprised to see that they are doing this online a lot through platforms like NextDoor.

While I can’t see them in person, I’m grateful for some community circles that I’ve been actively involved with for years. Meeting on Zoom is definitely different and takes some getting used to, but I’m still able to see folks like my Tribe and other circles at least once a week where we can continue to do support and bond with one another. 

I’m also grateful that I have options. I own a brick ranch house adjacent to my own home that I’ve been renovating to be used for shared living. Now, I’ve just moved into the home and a good friend will be joining me in living there soon. This was always my plan for the future, but this thing has sped up the clock for me. 

Question to Ask Yourself #1:

What has been working well for you with your friends, family, and community ties as you adapted to social distancing?

What’s not working for me right now living where I live?

Where is my neighborhood falling short? What has been making me feel the most lonely or isolated? Where does it hurt?

Now for the hard part. As someone who has spent a good portion of her life building community so that I wouldn’t have to age alone, it hurts to find myself yet again living alone in times like this. 

Most people that I know at least have a housemate or partner that they get to see every day. I try not to dwell on it, but there are times when I’m sitting alone in my space wondering how the hell I ended up being more isolated than them. 

My Tribe is very important to me, and we’ve all put in a lot of effort into creating a tightly bound support system. We even named our group the GoTo’s because we wanted to become each other’s go-to people. Now that the new normal has arrived, we’re all struggling to adapt to not living closer and how to support each other in a complicated situation. 

Also, I’ve just got to say it, using tools like Zoom just aren’t the same as meeting in person, and I’m not sure how to create the intimacy and connection that I’m used to on platforms like this just yet.

Question to Ask Yourself #2:

What kind of community connections have you been missing the most since the crisis began?

So what will I do to change the things I can?

Once I realized the drain that rattling around in my home alone was having on me, I made moving into a shared home a serious priority.

Between preparing for the move, finding a housemate, and getting some finishing touches done, this made me feel like I was heading in a positive direction. Now that my move is complete, I can say that I’ve taken real action to correct something that wasn’t working for me during the last few months.

I also made efforts that I hadn’t been doing before to connect in some way with people I care about, such as:

Question 3:

So what will I do to change the things I can?

If you found this post and exercise helpful, I’d love to hear about it. You can reach me at info@womenforlivingincommunity.com, or you can join the conversation on our Facebook page.

Other ways to stay connected include signing up below to the WLIC mailing list for occasional updates and tuning into my streaming videos on Facebook Live. At the moment, I’m doing a live broadcast every Monday at 3 pm EST.

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